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Awkward Cullen

Imagine RPattz has stumbled into the Haus of Gaga, where he looks as woeful and FML as ever, and there are naked models as props. Behold, the active Lolcano that is the Details photoshoot for Robert Pattinson: http://www.details.com/celebrities-entertainment/cover-stars/201003/twilight-star-actor-robert-pattinson-remember-me-photos
 
And a doll parody is already online:


Source unknown, but nonetheless brilliant.


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Writer's Block: Life is a masquerade

Are you planning to dress up for Halloween? How long do you typically plan your costume? Do you keep it a secret?
This Halloween I will be...LADY GAGA.

The Showerhead

(Or Why My Landlord Sucks)
The landlord has seemingly booby-trapped my flat with cheap fittings that come apart spontaneously. The most irritating of these quagmires being: the effing useless shower that literally fell apart one day last month when I went to use it. We've been able to get by for the most part by dangling the showerhead over parts of the shower (that are themselves in fragile condition), but with the added force of water pressure the thing has a tendancy to flip out and attack a person every day while they bathe. Like those cartoons where a garden hose has a life of its own. I start my mornings with coffee, an erratic shower and a stream of expletives, without fail.

Writer's Block: Thanks for the Input

What is the worst piece of advice you've ever received?
I was 10 when Tamagotchis came out. They spread like the plague, and at the price of $30, were permanently out of my price range. Being the type of annoying fad that parents saw straight through, there was one ray of hope in the impending visit of my aunt from Australia. It was perfect, this was the type of thing a loving aunt would be more than happy to lavish upon her adorable and deserving niece. I asked for so little! My social status would be restored, I could re-enter the classroom and no longer be one of those plebes consigned to watching other kids play with their digital pets, begging them for a turn. 
So I asked my aunty, who said not only said no, she suggested I paint myself a pet rock.
I just stared at her like, "You don't understand any of this do you?"

Lucy



Just remembering in writing that it's one year since we had my childhood pet Lucy put down. Here she is speaking to my sister :) Loving and grumpy, ill-groomed but refined, always a good friend. Miss you Luc.

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Oh, vom.

Warning: Nescafe Irish Creme tastes less like coffee with a nip of aromatic whiskey, and more like milky guiness. Well, at least they got the 'Irish' right.

vom x vom = vomsquared

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HoSHIT! My my little pony!


OK I don't even really know why I'm posting this (yes I do, I'm excited), but I found the My Little Pony I was given for my fifth birthday and tracked down her make and even found a picture of what she would have looked like fresh in the packet. *inhales deep breath* May I present: Posey Rose.
But, like, my pony, she had a mane and tail trim (courtesy of me about 15 years ago) and I also customised her hair by colouring it with blue felt.  I've taken photos of her, but they're blurry and appear to be what My Little Pony pictures would be like if the ponies were kidnapped and somewhere in the Colombian jungle.

Mar. 31st, 2009


Michael: Where did you get that outfit?
Lindsay: Mom gave it to me. I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing. 
Michael:  Only two of those words describe mom, so I know you're lying to me. 
Lindsay: Okay fine. I bought it before we went broke. I just haven't worn it until now. 
Michael: Uh huh. And the outfit yesterday? 
Lindsay: Old *Thing* gave it to me.


Buster: Why should I have to sit and cheer Annyong? Annyong never cheers me. 
Annyong: Go Fatty.
[Buster lunges at him and they fight
Lucille: Stop it! He's your little brother. 
Buster: No he isn't. I came out of you, he didn't.

Why I very rarely paint my nails


...because my hands shake worse than Courtney Love's.

(Which actually adds to the blurriness of my camera-phone shots :) ) During a dorm-room drinking session in first-year, I decided to paint my toe nails. One girl laughed at how badly I smudged the polish  everywhere, saying, 'You're supposed to paint the nails, not the toes!!' I had to admit that even without alcohol I always did my pedicures that way.
'It looks like a three year old did it!'
It's a certain technique, you see.